no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
