I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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