This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Never let your siblings swipe right.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
