There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
