bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
