Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
