is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
