Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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