Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just invented taco cereal.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
