and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
