no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
