I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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