A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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