Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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