well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
