he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
