Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
why is half of my head shaved?
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