I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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