my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
