question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
