im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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