had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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