My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The air was thick with penises
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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