i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
