I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
