The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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