I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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