I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
