Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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