Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
