Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
