I have demons in me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
