This gyro tastes like lonliness
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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