at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
