she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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