Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He better not be in your backpack
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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