It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
