Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
