$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
