is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
