were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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