we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
