i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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