were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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