I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The uberlube is also flammable
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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