I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.