She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship