So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
