I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
