If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just pee around me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
