Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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