I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
