Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize