An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
