living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
