Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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