i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
