Hey man sorry I got all grabby
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
