Got a toothbrush?
She said her name was "party"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
