I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i drank out of a bidet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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