Pants 0. Shit 1.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have fence marks all over my body
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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