He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
