I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
