No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
