i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
