i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
last night I used snow as a chaser
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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