I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
