I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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