I will die if light touches me.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
