Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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